Moped adventures!

Today, my first day in the beautiful Phang Nha, I joined up with a couple of German lads and a Scottish guy called Steve to rent Mopeds to tour Phong Nha Ke Bang National Park.

What a fantastic trip!

We drove through dense vegetation, above and below huge limestone karst cliff faces to sheer drops avoiding cows, water buffalo and wild dogs. One of whom decided to attack me as I drove by biting at my ankles, so I did what any strong man would, screamed like a little girl and sped up riding side saddle away from him!

We stopped at paradise cave, one of the biggest caves in the world. It was very beautiful and so vast! 

We then continued and to round off an amazing day we say some wild gibbon like monkeys about 20 meters from us who free fell from tree to tree as they swung away from us. A real treat to see an incredibly rare species in the wild.

That evening by pure chance I met Gabriel and Teresa, an American couple I had spent an evening with in Interlaken, Switzerland several months ago!

The night bus

What a bloody shambles, at least I got a story out of it as I certainly didn't get much sleep.

I had organised to be on the same bus as Helly and Liv, so was to be picked up at 6:30 from my Hostel.

Unfortunately there where a few dizzy young girls who where also to be taken. Two of whom had, at the last minuet tried to go to a travel agent to sort some things and subsequently got lost in the city.

Therefore we missed our pick up, missed our bus and got stuck on the stopping sleeper bus.

The fun started with the fact that there where not enough beds so someone had to sleep on the floor. I was on the back row. Where I had about a foot wide 'bed' pinned behind the DIY toilet (midfield box with a hole in the corner pretty much). Add to that a creaky bed, no option of sitting up as the roof was two foot from my head, a leaky ceiling to let in the rain and exhaust fumes. But don't worry, because the normal lights had been replaced by disco lights! And they had Vietnams got talent blaring out of the speakers.

We finally arrived in Hue two and a head hours late. I tried to find Liv and Helly but couldn't so after a quick walk around with some girls from Germany and Belgium I got my next bus to Phong Nha. I was the only person on this bus which was not much fun and the vinh moch tunnels were flooded so I could only go to the first level.

The vinh moch tunnels were used during the American occupancy. Originally 10m underground to protect villagers from bombs. The Americans then developed a bomb that could drill 10 meters before exploding, therefore the Vietnamese moved an entire town, including a hospital 30m underground!

Or so I'm told as the tour guide hadn't turned up for work.

Anyway after 25 hours of traveling I arrived in Phong Nha and its very nice.

Final day cruising

We had a few beers on our last evening in Cat Trang before waking early the next morning for another relaxed and stunning cruise back to the main land.

Enroute we made spring rolls, I overfilled mine and was told off. My excuse that it was intended to be deep fill, you know, like Ginsters didn't really fly.

Once we got back to land we said goodbye to our ozzy friends, Chris and Robyn. As I got up to leave and walked about 3 meters I heard Chris say "errrr Gary?"

I turned to see Chris and Robyn laughing their guts up. 

I had sat in fresh chewing gum and it was still connected to the bench, and my arse.

Creating a sticky white tail spreading across the pavement. As I saw this the whole situation took a turn as five or six Chinese tourists walked straight through this grotty finishing line also becoming entangled.

Before they could figure out what was going on I bolted for the bus leaving a swarm of laughter behind, and thanks to Helly and Liv, in front if me also. 

The odd couple

I couldn't possibly leave these two out of my blog, a young couple; Ryan and Lizzy from Manchester were bloody hilarious. What a pairing. Both of them were really nice and this post is not designed to offend or speak in a derogatory fashion but it may get close to the line!

Ryan is the most stereotypical Brit abroad, Lizzy is the single most high maintenance girl I have ever met. 

On first meeting with Ryan, he introduced himself with "hi mate, I'm Ryan. That's Lizzy, she was a size six when I met her." How do you respond to that.

He also told me how she hates doing exercise and even pensioners overtake them when they were walking around the bays caves.

After we got back in the two man Kayaks "Lizzy doesn't paddle," in Ryan's words, so she sat in the front of the kayak pointing where she wants to go and Ryan paddles her there shaking his head.

Other highlights included Ryan commenting that Lizzy just sits around all day eating and smoking. In which Lizzys response was to smile and raise her hands in a 'what am I like' fashion. Ryan also lost his shit at breakfast as he had been traveling three days so far and had been given eggs for breakfast every day. " more fucking eggs! I can't deal with more eggs, take my plate away, I don't even want to look at them." 

Brilliant, enjoy the next 3 months travelling together guys!

Mishaps with Kayaks!

With the sun shining down on us and the shimmering green waters, studded with rugged karst peaks we cruised. Meandering slowly, we arrived in a bay with a sandy beach featuring a few beautiful wooden stilted beach huts.

We disembarked and headed straight into the warm water. After a bit of a splash about. I had to put Helly back in her place, after splashing me I scooped her up over my shoulder and tossed her back in the water.

We then had lunch before I went back out for what was meant to be a relaxing sunbathing session on a kayak.

All was well, I popped my paddle inside the kayak and I climbed out on top to relax. This was fine until I tried to get back in my craft! I reached around pulled the paddle and with a huge tug somehow flung myself into the water, capsizing the kayak. I tried to flip it over but it was now full of bloody water so would sink if I got in. I tried in vain to bail out with a discarded flip flop I had found in the kayak to no avail.

So I tied the rope around my belly and started swimming, again all was good, once I built up speed the kayak carried itself on its own momentum. So I swam towards the closest beach, my right arm caught a carrier bag and I didn't think much of it. That was until I turned round to have another look IT WAS A FRIGGING JELLYFISH! I lost my shit and tried swimming as hard as I could, but the rapid acceleration caused the rope to dig into my midriff and partially wind me. Due to this I stopped to regroup, forgetting the rope was attached to a very heavy kayak which swiftly cracked me in the back of the head.

Eventually I got to shore where a Manc lad called Ryan helped me to get the water out. We then had a bit of a chat and watched Lizzy, his girlfriend hunt for clams with a local woman. Then we kayaked together back to our beach.

Halong Bay

What a great trip, we went with Imperial cruises and had an amazing time. So lucky to have perfect weather for the main day too. Thanks for Helly, Liv and Chris and Robyn for making it amazing.

I got on the bus bright and early, picking the girls up on the way, after I had a mini panic attack the driver had forgotten them before making the drive north east. On the bus we met some Malaysians who filled me up with cold and flu drugs (I think they were sick of my sniffling on the ride!)

Once we arrived at Halong bay, got on our boat and started cruising through the karst peaks the clouds cleared and we relaxed on the top deck taking in the astounding scenery. 

We stopped at 'Surprising cave' I was surprised indeed to see a giant stalagmite carved into the shape of a cock and balls and coloured red!

After the cave we went kayaking where I discovered some crabs on the karst islands with vivid purple claws.

Back in the boat, after dinner I taught the rest of the cruisers a game Dee, from my last tour, had taught me called 'Presidents and Arse holes' a very fun game, unfortunately our Chilean comrade sat in the arse hole position for the majority of the game. Even though Liv did need to be reminded by Helly "how numbers work" as she put a 5 above a 9.

The next day after breakfast and a visit to a pearl farm we cruised onwards amongst some bigger, and more secluded islands.

Alone in Hanoi, or am I?

After seeing off all my new friends from the tour I skyped Mum to sort some Physio registration hiccups. Then I went shopping again, spending an hour pouring over north face bags, before buying a nifty black one.

I then met up with Helly and Liv, my friends from Uni and Norwich who are on a three week holiday in Vietnam. It was brilliant to see them. So nice to catch up and hang out with friends from home, I wish I could spend the whole trip with them. We had dinner followed by beers on a street stall before heading to our respective hostels.

I had a leisurely wake up the next day and due to our power being cut I, like a super secret agent, snuck into my old hotel to steal wifi.

After that very mild excitement I met Helly and Liv again, this time accompanied by there Aussie friend, Luke.

We went to the old prison building which has been made into a museum. It appears to have history on both ends of the severity scale. During French occupation it was a horrific place, many people chained up with barley any food or water, deficating where they were chained. Apparently only eating raw Morning Glory... I'm sure it is terrible but Helly and I had a giggle about the name! Kids ay!

We then all walked to a temple which was very pretty and there was a graduation ceremony going on so that was also cool.

That evening we all met up with Alex and Gill for dinner, crazy to come halfway round the world and meet up with good friends.

Alex and I got some creaking haggling done, which involved me getting a T-shirt and a broken travel guide for £3. Alex also got a matching shirt, we looked very spiffing!  

Hanoi

The final stop on a fantastic trip with great company!

As soon as we arrived in the bustling city of Hanoi I dropped my bags and excitedly scurried off to find Alex and Gill who were staying close by. It was great to catch up and hear some of their excellent stories from their travels so far! We had a meal and a couple of drinks before meeting up again with the rest of my group.

Tom, the girls and I had a bit of a boogie, unfortunately everything shuts down at midnight but we followed a group of people down some very dodgey back alleys to a 'club'. It was essentially a scabby building that looked like its top two floors had been burnt out! But they sold rum so all was right in the world!

We went home at about 3am with the help of my trusty compass!

The next day we went around Hoi chi minh's palace and did a bit of shopping! I bought a huge northface coat which I now have to carry around for 4months!

We also went to the water puppet show, which I really enjoyed. It was very well done and very entertaining, wooden puppets were used on top of a pool of water to act out different Vietnamese fables.

We also said a sad farewell in Dave and Paddy's room to the group, I'm really looking forward to hearing if Dave, Paddy, Jason and Dee make it to Pamplona next year for the bull run! 

Vang vieng and Vientiene

With a pretty sore neck I still had the best of intentions to see what Laos had to offer, unfortunately in Van Vieng after a 10 to 15 minuet walk to a small island Sirah, Sheena, Sinita and myself stopped of for a quick drink at a bar... 5 hours later we left the bar!

Vientiene was a similar story, the girls and I, along with Heather and Alan went on a tuk tuk to the golden stuper. On the way back we got caught in an insane torrential down poor so the next day Tom and I kept safe by staying in bed till nearly mid day, when we left for Vietnam.

Home stay

The evening after my accident I was very stiff and painful but I knew no lasting damage had been done. I decided to join the group at a local families house, where we were blessed to have safe travels (a bit bloody late in my case) and served some local food consisting of sausages and chicken pieces. It was fun, even if I couldn't move my head!

The following morning we all rose early and clambered into minibuses for the eight out trip to Vang Vieng. We drove through the astounding scenery, stopping at a mountain peak for lunch. The mountain translates as 'high as the sky mountain' and I could see why.

We then passed some small local markets, where they seemed to love to pickle! You could get bears feet, snakes and scorpions all floating in yellows and browns.

We eventually arrived at our small village and Tom and I were dropped off at our house. We had dinner and a tour before heading to the local hall for a dance. The children showed us some traditional dances before we were invited to learn. 

Bear in mind now the average Laos man is around 5'5. I'm 6'3.

A small girl of around seven or eight trotted up and offered me her hand, I smiled and stood up. She then took two steps back and with an exasperated expression blew out hard from her mouth and slapped her hand to her forehead, saying a couple of words to her friend next to her. I imagine it was something like "look at the size of this bugger!"

I learnt the steps easily enough and had a good time. The song finished and we sat back down. Another started and again after a display we were collected by the children. This time however all the other, clearly less menacing looking tourists got collected, children fighting over them. I was left with three little girls pushing each other towards me, none wanting to get to close to the man in fluorescent shorts. Eventually I went off with a young lad who had been causing trouble outside. He knew the dance even less than I did so we ad-libbed. Before long we were raising the roof and lawn mowering about the place. I even cracked out a modified puppet master, one that didn't involve head or neck movements.

The whole evening was great fun and after the kids went to bed Tom and I went back with Tong our guide and our host Sim and played some cards, with a punishment drink of beer and water for the loser, high stakes!

Near death experience

After a few dives I was getting cocky, looking for another challenge.

So I climbed the rope swing tree, thought about using the rope but figured nah, why not use this extra hight (about 5 meters from the water to do a swan dive. So I pushed off the tree, spread my armsand soared   through the air, as I slowed I tucked and dived perpendicular to the water. As I broke the surface I spread my arms again to slow myself down.

Barely had my knees entered the water and with a earth shattering crunch I hit the rock, camouflaged in the light cloudy water. Instantly my perception got fuzzed, was I out of the water or under, I could remember breaking the surface and shouting, although when I tried to breath in my mouth filled with water, I was still under. I pushed through my legs with all my might and broke the surface, shouting hoarsely for help. 

No sooner had I gone up than I was back under. My head felt it weight two tons and my neck had no strength, I had no control over my neck muscles whatsoever. I stood in the shallows for a second shouted out again and collapsed. 

Jason came steaming in and collected me, supporting my head and neck. I was alert and aware now and started to check what the damage was. I still felt I had no control of my neck but no signs of serious brain injury and no myotome dysfunction. I had a bit of a panic as I had serious pins and needles in both my feet, but on further concentration I realised the pool was full of those fish that eat your calluses, they were going to town on an immobile subject.

Keeping me half submerged under the water Jason choreographed the troops, fashioning a neck brace out of a couple of belts and some wood.

Slowly I was carried from the pool to a bench, here, a Dutch GP on his holidays took over. He examined me and said I needed to keep immobile until I had an X-ray. 

Quite humorously locals kept appearing, offering me topical creams and herbal remedies. I chucked through the pain as Jason, in his thick Canadian accent declared "he's way past topicals pal!".

After half hour of immobility and shivering and after I had been log rolled and palpated by the GP. I sat up, against instructions, my vision perception was a bit off but I was ok.

I walked down half supported to the minibus and climbed in. We met the ambulance on the way back to town. Eight people in a tiny clown sized car. I insisted I was ok and went on my way.

Stiff and shaken, like a good cocktail, but largely ok.

Beautiful waterfalls

Today after visiting the Laos ethnology museum to learn about the tribes of Laos and their wedding festivities we drove up to kuangsi waterfalls.

The water was a fantastic powder blue, shimmering in the green light of the canopy. Tom and I ran/climbed right to the top, and had a dip in the infinity style pool which was the top of the highest waterfall. I had a few goes at trying a timed photo but I just couldn't get through the water fast enough. So I took a bunch of photos of my arse!

We then leisurely came back down to the second and third tiers of the waterfall. For another dip in the refreshingly cool water. At the lowest tier there was a rope swing and a large waterfall. I did a few swan dives from the crest of the waterfall and even a flip, it was great fun to fly through the air into such a wonderful pool of water.

Mekong river cruise

We spent the next two days cruising along the Mekong River to central Laos.

We spent the days gliding through the spectacular scenery playing cards, chatting and listening to music. I took loads of photos playing with all the different modes on my camera.

Dude looks like a lady!

After a busy day with the Elephants we met back up with the Canadians and watched a lady boy show. 

It was funny, Dave lifted up one of the singers mid set like it was choreographed and Tom and I got tricked into giving a real heffer of a bloke in a dress a kiss! He kissed me on the cheek and asked that i return it. i thought hey, its all a bit of fun! I dodged at the last minuet as he twisted quickly to meet me mouth on mouth, i reeled and everyone exploded with laughter.Tom was a bit savvy and got the cheek quickly so he couldn't twist so he grabbed his face held him and gave him a great smaker, he got a tounge full!

The next day we visited a couple of beautiful temples in Northern Thailand before stopping over one night and making the boarder crossing to Laos in the morning. At the border crossing Dave nearly tricked me into collecting a woman called Valerie's pass port, not ideal.

Elephants

One of the trip highlights so far, up there with the bull run and the Sahara trip.

Tom, Si and I were joined by Kenny and Nicola and set off with 'Jumbo Trekkers' for an hour or so drive in the back of a pick up. Along the bumpy potholed roads emerging, a little green from the ride, to an elephant reserve in the heart of the Chang Mai countryside.

We got changed into our elephant rider clothes. Which were thick pink three quarter length trousers and a sleeveless top, which gave us all cracking 'v' tan lines front and back. We then learnt and practiced the elephant commands before being introduced to our elephants.

Mine was named Mamou, she was big, grey and loved the bananas! 

I climbed aboard and we set off for a hike around the paddock before going a bit further afield to the nature reserve. The elephants were really well looked after and it was really good fun tramping through the outskirts of the jungle on Mamou.

Like her rider, Mamou was not past a bit of mischief. She seemed to take great pleasure in pooing in the face of Tom and Si's elephant and also wouldn't bow down to let me off so I had to jump off her head from full hight.

We then washed our elephants in the river, unfortunately when a really fun water fight kicked off Mamou decided to see what our bags tasted like and my guide man was off having a fag! So I had to try and stop her. In hind sight I wish I could have seen me try, seen me trying to push a full grown elephant away would be quite a sight!

After our wash we climbed back on and marched along the river bank to the base camp.

We then had some lovely Thai food for lunch before going for a jungle hike finishing at a waterfall. Here we had a great time, after climbing up the side of the waterfall I sat at the peak of the cascade, folded my arms and legs in, and allowed the power of the water to push me off the rock face, I zoomed down the fall and into a deep cool pool of water beneath a canopy of trees. Fantastic.

After we had done In the pools around the waterfall we walked a short distance to the river and went white water rafting! Hard hats on, paddles in hand and we were good to go. Well after our captain had finished a traffic cone sized spiff that is! 

We shot down the river in Olympic speed and then transferred onto wooden rafts and finished off with a chilled out punt down the river on the bamboo rafts.

We then hopped in to the back of the pick up truck and drove home, stopping at a village on the way back.

Ping pong show......

What a culture shock! 

One day ago I was being openly ridiculed in the street for not having the latest smart phone. Today I am sitting on a rust clad train with no windows, sailing by corrugate iron shantys. 

Welcome to Bangkok. I eventually found the train station, then my hotel. Only after the airport information desk tried to screw me over with a taxi scam.

I met my new tour who all seem really nice, especially my room mate Tom. A 23 year old engineer from Bristol. I think we are going to get on really well. We started off my eating a scorpion each, tasted like chicken!

There are also a group of British dentists; Sunita, Shena and Sira. Who joined Tom and I at the ping pong show, they even seemed a little more keen than us!

Alan and Heather a retired couple from Newcastle. Zander and Susan from New York and a group of Canadians; Dave, Patty, Jason and Dee and of course Aplle our wonderful guide.

Later that evening Tom and I, accompanied by three girls from the tour, Suneta, Shena and Si, went to the main drag where we were confronted by a seedy little man. "You wanna go ping pong shoooow? You see some ladies... Put put put?"

All I want to share is that I need to disinfect my fingers as I had to fend off a rouge ball coming for me and that when a banana is fired at a pole the noise is not pleasant. 

Hong Kong Island

I set off for a walking tour of Hong Kong Island.

Unfortunately, after an hour of waiting around the tour never arrived! I did get some humour out of a church group trying to recruit me, only to have there hopes dashed as i had to inform them, their English leaflet was gobbledygook. Just random letters strung together to look like words. The lady was very upset, but she took my photo and everything was fine again.

I turned to my back up self guided tour off the Internet to fill my day. It was very enjoyable, I indulged my love of clocks and bought a pocket watch!

I went up the worlds longest outdoor escalator. visited the zoo and saw the baby orangautan's then up the cable car to Victoria peak to overlook the city on one side and bay on the other.

Here I bumped into Faye my old tour guide so we hung out for a bit, had a walk and said our goodbyes.

I had guessed that my flight was about three the next day. I was shocked to find it was actually half 10!  This left me in a mad rush at 9pm to get my boarding pass printed and my US dollars out.

It was touch and go for a while but I made it to Bangkok.