A private hike in La Spezia

.After a chilled night on the rocks of Riomaggiore with my room mates I set off for an epic hike today.

I met a German guy who I originally thought was called Hugo, then Fernando, at the end of the day he wrote it down for me and it was actually Nando!

Anyway, we walked from Corniglia to Vernazza before Nando (then called Ferdinand) got the train to the last town of Monterosso. 

I decided to try and walk it. The path was officially closed but as the Italians are incredibly lazy the guy had left his post unattended. Gary's time to shine. I ducked under the tape an ignored the huge 'Danger falling rocks' signs and had myself a glorious walk along the cliff tops.

After this wonderful walk I found Nando and an Aussie girl he had met and shared a 500ml tub of ice cream to fight the sun on the hot day. After a while I got chatting to an Italian lad before heading back to Rioaggiore.

I got back and did some life admin before going out on the rocks and hanging out with my dorm buddies and some guys working abroad.

That evening I got another ringside seat to some sneaky buggers trying to have a bit of nookie in the 8 bed dorm!

Novelty photos in Pisa

Today I re-joined busabout for the trip from Florence to La spezia via Pisa.

The bus guide organised a competition for the most original photo, so me and a few of the other guys got together and tried to win it. 

Unfortunately my 'hang off the tower' pic looked awesome in my head, but pretty crap in real life!

He stole Journey from me

After my 'challenges' in life behind me I had a pretty good time in Florence. 

Maybe I've been away too long but I felt the centre had a similar vibe to Norwich (with more marble of course). But maybe I'm just going a bit loopy.

I met up with a guy called Ren I met in Sorrento and also did a couple of walking tours.

On my last (and best) night I took the busabout trip which ended up in a karaoke night club. It was awesome. Unfortunately they did not have 'Born to be wild' or 'Tribute' and some bastard did 'Dont stop believing' before I got a chance; just to add insult to injury the prick did the glee version as well. In my eyes this earns him the title of 'worst lad ever!'

Below is a photo of my Karaoke partners: Terri, Amy and Amy sipping some fine Chianti. 

The world is conspiring against me

This post is not written in good humour. It is a true representation of my life on Thursday the 27th June 2013.

Firstly, my nipples are BURNT, not just burnt but really bloody BURNT. They are so irritated and painful it feels like I have been breast feeding particularly bitey 40 year old men with heavy stubble.

My hardships started at around 1 am in the morning, I got back to my dorm and found my single dorm mate wants to sleep with the light on. Luckily he was already asleep. Unluckily he was snoring like a freight train.

I therefore had to lean over him in his slumber to turn off his bedside light. While doing this I noticed that in his bed he was sleeping with a meat cleaver. Not just a knife but a cleaver!

I then crossed myself and attempted to sleep without loosing any limbs.

I got up nice and early the next morning as I wanted to do a walking tour in Florence at 11am. I went to reception to try and book an extra nights stay.

Bear in mind that the campsite/hostel I am staying in is dead. Everyone I Speke to says they have at least one or two beds free in their rooms.

I queued for 15 minuets before being told by some old prick that I couldn't extend my stay as they may not have room for me. I needed to pack up, move my bag to storage and come back in 3 hours. Try to imagine how frustrating that is when the guy is sat in front of a board where at least 50 free bed keys are hanging.

So now cutting it fine I ran back packed my bag and returned to reception. Queued up again for 10 minuets this time to be told that I couldn't check out as I didn't have a small paper ticket I was given on check in. He wouldn't take my money and apparently my key was just not good enough proof I had stayed in his accommodation.

I then had to queue up at another window for 10 minuets (whining like a bitch to others in the queue I may add) for a guy to spend 2 seconds weighting Nicholson INTO THE FIRST GUYS COMPUTER to check me out.

Obviously I missed the tour.

I did a Rick Steves audio tour from my IPad which was good but I was pretty lonely so I decided to try and meet the busabout coach at 3pm to buy a ticket for there group tour, leather making demonstration and dinner event that evening.

Although they were late to arrive, leaving me sat on a dirty doorstep for nearly an hour I eventually got my ticket.

I then hurried back to my campsite/hostel 30 mins brisk walk, to get showered and changed.

I checked back in, to a 3 bed dorm that was completely vacant I may add, got sorted and headed back out.

During this rush I lost the rubber head from one of my headphones, so now I have no music for the rest of the trip.

I sat waiting for the bus for 15 minuets and assumed it wasn't going to turn up and the next wasn't for another 20 mins so I decided to walk in. I had not gone more than 100meters when the bus steams past me. I sprinted but did not make the bus.

Whilst walking I found another bus stop, waited a while and got on that one. By this time I had missed the tour but may still make it to the leather factory.

I called the guide to let her know and she was happy for me to join late. 

Then my phone battery died, this was particularly bad as this was my only time keeping device.

I got off the bus at the main station and realised in my haste getting ready I had forgotten my map.

By this time I assumed I had missed the leather show too so I would meet them for dinner. 

People from Florence are dick heads.

No matter where I was, what direction I was facing anything, every direction I got for the 90 minuets I walked around Florence for was: 'take the next right and just keep on walking' this was not funny on the sixth attempt so I punched the shop counter and demanded he told me the real directions. The guy looked confused and said that these were the right directions. On this case he was telling the truth and I feel terrible for being aggressive to the only person who was actually helping me.

I got to the pub just in time for desert (bear in mind I skipped lunch as I was to have a big dinner so I am starving at this point). Kindly the guide said I could do the tour and meal etc in two days time so I just got myself a burger and all was good.

At about 1am I was chatting away to Jasmine, a really nice girl from Sydney Australia. While doing my impression of how angry I was at the shop keeper earlier in the day I slammed my fists down on the bar table. This sent her drink flying and landed in her lap. To make matters worse she was wearing a really thin cream onsie style outfit. So a crotch full of vodka and tonic wasn't the best accessory to a growingly transparent outfit! Luckily she found it funny, but was not quite as amused with my quip about making her wet...

 To top off the glorious day I had to walk through Florence, again, at 3am as I was lost again on the way home via a friends hostel. After I dropped Jasmine off, with her newly dried crotch, I trudged the millions of miles back to my campsite. 

Chill day

After a busy week and with the litre of wine plus beers sitting delicately in my tum I resembled a cat today.

Dozing by the pool all day.

Unfortunately dozing doesn't turn the sun off, leaving me with a glorious burn line where I had my arms and sun glasses.

No clothes night

Last night I stayed outside Rome in a campsite.

When I got here I checked in dumped my bags and had a wander. I could hear a big group of mixed accents playing drinking games. I plucked up my courage and asked if I could join in.

I assumed it was a group who had just met while they were here but it turned out they had all been travelling together for nearly a month! Even though I was an outsider they made me really welcome and we had a great night.

They were going to the camps night club which was having an 'anything but clothes' theme night. So I slipped into my bed sheet and off I jolly well went!

Good times were had by all!

The Vatican

Due to my early night I was able to get up and going early doors this morning.

I headed down to St. Peter's square. There are so many tour guides down there trying to sell you tours  and tickets I was getting sick of it. 

So

I thought 'hey, I'll just pretend to be German and they will leave me alone.'

This did not work...

No sooner had the work nine left my lips (incidentally this is the only German word I know). I was set upon by several German speaking tour guides, who were even pushier than the English! The shit thing was that now I was trapped. I couldn't start speaking English as I would be the biggest tool in the world. But also the only German word I know is nine! 

So I ran away.

St. Peter's church was awesome. It is huge but the whole church was built as an optical illusion to make it look smaller that it actually is.

While I was in there a crowed had formed around the side of the room, I must have asked about 6 or 7 people what was going on but no one had a clue. So like a true Brit I joined the que!

After 45 minuets about 10 pope like people walked past. I think the may be cardinals but I really don't have a scooby. And then the crowd dissipated. What a waste of time.

After St. Peter's I went through the Vatican museum and into the Sistine Chappell. It was pretty cool but different to what I was expecting. It was very busy and my word does it give you a crick in the neck! It's supposed to be strictly no photos. This is why my sneaky one features my forehead.