Monkey business

Yesterday we arrived at mount Emei Shan, a Buddhist holy mountain. 

We stayed overnight in a large Buddhist monastery at the foot of the mountain. The temple was beautiful, a red wooden structure with traditional Chinese roofs. We split from our normal room buddies and I shared with Richard and Jen, a welsh couple I have been spending loads of time with who are doing a similar trip to me and Gabby, who I have also been spending lots of our free time with.

In the morning we started hiking up the mountain. Due to the low clouds there was not an awful lot of opportunities for photos but the hike was fun and a really good bonding time. I got to chat to Kevin a bit more, top bloke.

The highlight was definitely being attacked by monkeys!

We were walking along and found a pack of wild monkeys. Poor Anne in front of me got pounced on from behind and I had to whack the bugger on the arse to get him off her! I was then busy taking photos of a cute little monkey and other people were getting jumped by small monkeys, when all of a sudden I see him in my peripheral vision... A huge, I'm talking a 25kg bad ass comes screaming towards me leaps, hits me in the side of my face and nearly knocks me flying! He then started trying to get into my backpack. This is when a small Chinese lady comes to my rescue. Swinging a bamboo baton at the monkey. The only problem was that I am 6ft 3 and she is around 5 ft. So failing to reach the monkey I've now got monkey balls on my head while i try to dodge the blows of an angry Chinese  pensioner!

I managed to shake the big un and made a break for it over a rope bridge but another one took me down from behind. 

It was also very funny when Dan, a Canadian on the tour got a drink stolen out of his side pouch by a monkey he didn't see. He then proceed to do a double take and chase the monkey up a hill!

After a lot of stairs we all made it to the hotel halfway up the mountain for a good meal and I started a new book, 'the Alchemist', a very good book indeed in early stages! 

Bloody Panda's

Pandas should be extinct.

They are useless animals.

 

Although they are dying out they will not change their diet of bamboo (which they can only absorb 20% of the calories from) meaning the have to eat pretty much constantly to survive. They occupy huge territories and even when they do find another panda they won't shag them! 

Worse still, if they do mate, they are terrible parents and usually kill there young by accident!

My feelings were consolidated when we got to the breeding centre when our first panda was lying on the floor shitting himself and just lying in it.

Waste of space.

So why is millions of pounds being spent on conservation of these animals world wide? Why is that money not being spent on other endangered species who are actually trying to stay alive and occupy a more useful role in the food chain? Why is the money not being spent on assisting the worlds economic crisis?

I'll tell you why. Because pandas are 'cute'. 

The human race is so shallow than rather than being logical and spending time and money efficiently, we are prolonging the species of the worlds most useless and in bread species. Al because they look sweet with their funny fur coating.

Is this what we should be teaching young people? 

Don't worry about being productive, interesting or intelligent. The only thing that matters is appearance. If you are pleasing on the eye you don't have to do anything and everyone else will look after you.

Bloody Pandas 

Cheng Du

We got the night train from Xi'an to Cheng Du. The train ride was really fun!

Faye, our guide, brought some fire water. Fire water is a 50+% alcohol drink, it really loosened everyone up and it was a great way to loosen everyone up. I cracked a couple of my best jokes to a good response.

Cheng Du is the ancient capital of the Shu Dynasty, as of my favourite play station game Dynasty warriors. 

Gabby and I decided to go down to the Wuhou temple, where Liu Bei is buried and Zughe Liange ruled from after his death.

 

It was awesome.

I geeked out, looking at all the statues of the characters from my game was really fun. There was also a bansei tree garden where we had some fun!

After the temple we had a wonder around the lanes, which were of a traditional Chinese style. I got a bun, a egg kebab and a sweet potato from street stalls before we cut through the people's park. At the other end of the park the gate was closed so we hopped over a couple of walls. Gabby wasn't quite big enough for the second so I had to lift her up and over!

We then stopped at a noodle shop where we met a local lad of 25 while I was trying to write using Chinese characters. We had a great chat with Dae Bo (probably spelt wrong) and he really helped me with my Mandarin.

After a fond farewell to Dae Bo, who gave me a huge hug, we headed for the alleys near our hotel. These alleys were really smart with loads of independant shops and stalls. Gabby got some candy floss, which was like eating prolly filler, ergh. Then we sat in a Karaoke bar listening to god awful Chinese singers.

A fantastic day all in all!  

Gary throws his toys out.

On the way to meet the others to see the Xi'an culture show Gabby and I needed to get some dinner.

Due to the language barrier we struggled in the noodle shops as Gabby is a vegetarian. So we decided to go to a supermarket. 

We picked 

1 box of biscuits :¥4

1 milkshake :¥4.50

1 chocolate bar :¥1.50

 

This apparently came to ¥11.50

I then gave her ¥10 and, with a smile on, started pointing at the signs of the prices and counted up the cost to ¥10. The two girls behind the counter started giggling and just tapped the price on the screen. A que was now forming behind us. 

The girls continued to ignore the money I had given them and also ignore me completely just exchanging glances between themselves and giggling.

I scooped up our shopping and walked out of the shop leaving the ¥10 on the counter. They were shouting and screaming as I left the shop so I went back in. Where they then continued to ignore me completely, occasionally tapping the screen and laughing now.

I hit the roof, I picked up the milkshake, threw it at the bitch and stormed out the shop grabbing Gabby on my way.

Oops 

The show after was really good though. Traditional dances from the Tang Dynasty. My favourites where the Diablo girls, who I videoed for Makoto. Also the 'call to war. One guy did a handstand on top of to other guys with another bloke doing a one handed handstand from his neck!

Xi'an

After a refreshing sleep on the night train Gabby and I broke off from the group to explore the city on our own.

First we explored the ancient central bell tower, used like a British church bell to sign the hour of the day. The views from the top along the Main Street were great and really gave the city a sense of grandeur.

After this we went to the Muslim quarter. These guys are pussy's compared to the morocco traders! I ended up haggling for fun! 

I got two engraved musical instruments for 80p a pop and a dr dre beats speaker for £10 down from a starting point of £30!  

I also accidentally haggled a chess set down to £4 from £20 because the guy didn't want me to leave, even though I don't play chess!

They also had some really good looking north face coats, which would be great for when I get to NZ but the thought of carrying it about for 8 months put me off a little! 

We then went up on the city wall stopping to chat with a Swiss guy for a while by the giant dragon.

The Night Train

So here we are on the over night train to Xi'an!

Not what I expected at all! It was very clean (except the used dental floss someone had wrapped around the hook about 20cm from my pillow!) kind of like an airplane style feel to it.

We were in a 'hard sleeper' cartridge. So we had 6 bunks in it. I was right at the top, about 9ft from the floor. I actually really liked the top bunk, although you had only about 2ft head space, as you got extra bag room above the door so I could get to my stuff easily and it was really safe as no one else could get to it.

Although they put lights out at 9:30 we all had a couple of beers and a good time. I slept really well, I think the rumbling of the train was  was soothing. 

The Olympic dream

I was in a quandary wether to go to the Olympic park or not. Before I left it was the main place I wanted to go in Beijing.

My tour guide however told me that it was basically a rundown industrial estate now and not worth my time. She tried really hard to convince me not to go...

... Turns out Faye, my tour leader, is a big fat lier.

Against her advice I decided to cancel my plans to go with the others at the last minuet in favour of checking it out just in case.

The Olympic is fantastic and is in better condition than most regular functioning stadiums I have visited.

I was apparently the resident celebrity in the Olympic park, I had the Chinese ladies queuing up to get photos with me. Note to any potential china goers, pulling the peace sign in photos goes down an absolute storm! 

I did manage to get into a little bit of trouble in the stadium. I saw a ticket booth with a sign above it say "air tunnel". Awesome I thought, I don't want to miss an air tunnel, whatever that is.

So I asked at the desk, but the lady said I couldn't go through. So obviously I walked away, ducked, and snuck in right under her nose... He he hee... I got into a room labeled 'tour guide waiting area'. "This is going to be awesome I thought!" And followed the signs for the 'Air Tunnel'. As I came though the last door I was greeted by the 'Air tunnel' in all it's glory... A lift... Just a shit translation... Then the women from the booth burst through shouting in Chinese. So I ran off as fast as I could.

The stadium was quality though, really big, with loads of photos on display of stadium construction and of the games themselves. 

Strangely the silver barbs around the birds nest stadium are actually made of concrete, not metal.

After the stadium I walked around the water cube and a couple of other bits before taking a lovely stroll up the river bank decking towards the Olympic forest. 

At the fantastically landscaped forest I was greater by another dodgey, yet hilarious translation.

"The Grass is smiling at you, please do not detour."

Brilliant.

On the way home a group of Chinamen struck up a very limited conversation with me in a blend of Mandarin and English.

So I whipped out my phrase book and we helped each other with our pronunciation, it was great fun!

I then got lost in the Houtongs or slums for an hour trying to get to the hotel before stopping at theChinese  version of KFC for Noodles called Mr Lee's.

I was a bit stroppy with Faye when I got back as I was annoyed as if she had had her way, I would have missed a great day out. It turned out she had never even been to the Olympic park and was just going on here say. What a dick.