I rose early on Saturday morning to go to the boat house with Ben to pick up a couple of sea kayaks. We had a bit of a pulava with getting them out of the shed and into the borrowed estate car we had borrowed from Bens friend. This was because someone had moved a load of furniture infront of the door. Also because one of the kayaks was full of water from its last outing.
Anyway we got the kayaks and picked up some bait -frozen squid I sat on whilst driving to defrost the squid and frost bite my gentlemans quatres- and arrived to meet Simon at Glenduan.
We set off kayak fishing.
It was a beautiful setting in the ever calm Tasman sea, ringed in by mountains.
I caught sod all.
Simon caught a sand shark and tossed it to me, still alive, to fillet for fresh bait.
I tried to kill the small shark humanely. I placed the tip of my blade at the base of its skull and hit the butt of the knife with the heel of my hand. Still the shark flapped and squirmed. I flipped him over and did the same on the other site. This time through his thought rather than spinal cord. With another thump and a 5 minuet wait he was still flapping around in frenzy. So I proceeded to continue my hole and cut half his head off.
Still he twisted and flapped.
I gutted him and removed one fillet from his rugged back, I was able to easily control him now. The trashing had stopped so I took a good look at this sand paper covered mini shark. What sharp teeth he had. I wonder what they feel like...
The shark with no internal organs, head half removed, and stripped on one side, who's blood filled my kayak; bit me!
This was not the only fun we had. After I had jutted the shark and used him for fresh bait we spotted a pod of killer whales around 200 meters away, then 50 meters away, then 10 Meyers away from Simons kayak. He shit himself. But they didn't come any closer.
We returned to shore after nearly four hours at sea with nothing more than the flesh of a zombie sand shark.
Ben and I are greeted by a spindley thin man with a clipboard and binoculars; Simon decided to stay out fishing for an hour more. The man worked for the department of conservation. Someone had called him saying we had been fishing in the marine reserve, which we hadn't. Before I could try and chat our way out of it Ben kicked off. Shouting and swearing. It didn't get us anywhere, obviously. Eventually I gave him a couple of fake names and addresses and we went on our way.
After dropping off the kayaks at the boat house and having a shower I met up with Simon again and we went and picked up Olivia, another friend from work and we went to play frisbee golf. I had instructed Liv to buy the cheapest frisbees. They were beyond shite... The smaller one needed no technique, just pretend your hurling a wet paper plate and you've got the technique. Simon had bought a fancy one so we rotated between us, whoever won got to use the good disc on the next hole. It was really good fun and surprisingly compettative. With the last hole deciding who buys the ice creams, I enjoyed a lovley banana-choc on Simon. Moral of the story, never share your kit.
We then went down to the beach and played mini golf. I won again with a hole in one on the final hole!
We had a cider in a craft beer pub near by before heading home.
The next day, Sunday I started off at 6am watching the England v All Blacks game. What a tight one, I lost the money I had bet on England to win by three points!
As soon as the final whistle blew I shot off to the port just in time for Waka paddling. I went out with a novice crew paddling on Maori outrigger canoes. It was really good fun I was the 'engine room' at third seat and really enjoyed being chosen to call the 'hup' every 13 strokes when we needed to change sides.
After a good hour of paddling we got back to the port. Just in time for me to run down the waterfront to jetty B where Suze, a fellow Physio from work, had roped me in to help sail a yaught with her. By help I mean make tea and act as a ballast for any tight cornering we had to do.
It was great fun on the open sea. Suze, Judith, Geoff and I ended coming in fourth after handicap in the 5 hour race which we were delighted with. We had a lot of fun listening to Van Morrison and at one point I got very confused as Judith -although I later found out was talking to Geoff- looked straight at me with her Sunneys on and asked me to lift her up. I was perplexed. She then added, "yes could you just lift me up and switch the gas?" I thought why doesn't she just lift her own bum cheek the lazy cow? I asked her how I should lift her and we all laughed for quite some time. My other colleagues also got a laugh when Suze told everyone on Monday morning!
After a quick BBQ back at the yaught club I gave my car a quick wash to help it sell and retired home for a well earned rest after a very busy weekend!
