Golden bay

This weekend after a comfortable win for Nelson Marist Jack and I drove up to golden bay, the northern most point of the South Island.

First we drove to takaka to watch the England v New Zealand rugby match in a small town local pub. We got plenty of stick as New Zealand systematically dismantled the English defence. We also got to see a tubby man in wellingtons fight an old man with one arm. The fun of rural NZ!

After the game we set off in the dark to find somewhere to pitch our tent. We finally found a spot behind a bush at a picnic site. 

Camping outside of a registered camp site is illegal in NZ and each person can be hit with a $200 fine. Imagine our anxiety when no sooner had we set up the tent at around 10:30 a car drives up straight next to ours and points it's headlights straight at our hidden camp spot.we dove into the bushes (something I'm now getting used to!) and waited.

It felt like about three hours, although I'm sure it was only a maximum of 15 minuets but eventually the car left. Probably doggers. So we went to sleep!

We woke early Sunday morning and packed up after enjoying a nice stroll on the beach.

We drove all the way up to farewell spit, a sand spit many miles long, projecting into the Tasman sea. It was very nice. Especially when we got over to the west coast. It was a very wild and rugged landscape. Jack and I commented how it would be a great paintball or quad bike spot. There were armies of small grassy dunes studded uniformly along the beach. These formations were interspersed with quicksand. Completely un definable I would occasionally sink up to my knee and fight for my freedom. 

Then we took a 'short cut' -you know where this is going- it was Jacks idea, for once I wanted to stick to the track. An hour later we were still fighting our way through stiflingly dense vegetation, bogs and small mountains. Eventually we found our way back to the car. Not before I figured it a good idea to army crawl across some dense reeds on a bog, dispersing my weight would stop me getting wet right?

No, 

Lying down on reeds in a bog leads to loosing balance and doing a handstand in pewtred stinking brown water.

Anyway we got back and drove to whariki beach (pronounced freaky beach). 

It was stunning, rugged and desoloute. And there were wild seals and awesome caves everywhere! We mucked around for a bit and climed a huge mountainous dune on the sea front and sat and watched the sea for an hour or two.

We then nipped over to the worst lighthouse ever. A seriously shit automated box we had to climb a mountain to get to before driving back to collingwood wood for a beer, fish and chips and another night in the tent.

Monday we drove straight back to Nelson so I could get to work. Stopping once at the jester cafe, voted best cafe in New Zealand. It was pretty nice, with a rustic Alice in wonderland feel.

Swimming with the fishes!

Friday morning we went out again to fish. This time we went off the warf in Nelson harbour. All was going well when Jack caught a fish!

What the hell do we do with it now?

We had a live fish flipping around the deck! 

I picked him up by the tail to give him a whack on the head, but as I swung up he slipped out of my hand and shot over my shoulder!

It was a right farce!

Eventually I Grasped the little fella hard... And battered his face in against the life boat rescue memorial.

When we had finally delt with freddy the fish a big gust of wind came along and blew our big rig off into the sea.

As Jack had waded out yesterday I had to go get a kayak and paddle out to save it.

I ran to the boat house. Grabbed a kayak. And started down the ramp to launch it.

Slippyest ramp ever! 

I slipped like on a banana skin, just managed to keep myself up but with the momentum of throwing myself and the kayak forwards I started skiing full pelt down the ramp towards the sea. I did all I could do. I leapt as my feet hit the salty water aiming for the kayak I had released into the Tasman. I made it, my legs didn't! Soaking wet I retrieved the rig and paddled back.

By the time I had got back my key, I had left when I started slipping, had been taken. Sopping wet and stinking of fish I had to trudge back through the boathouse to explain myself and plea for my key back.

I got it but my shoes stank so bad I had to work in flip flops later that day as the shoe pong was over powering!

Fishing and pub quiz

Today (Thursday) I finished work early to go to the dentist. After having my filling I met up with Jack and we drove out to Moteka. Via the hunting and fishing shop to pick up some Riggs for our fishing rod. 

We were served by this really nice old boy, who was missing a couple of fingers. He didn't even mock us as we openly said we didn't know how to wind the reel and we had also got the hook on wrong somehow.

We shot out to the Moteka beach to have a go at fishing. After 5 or 6 goes we figured out how to cast off!

With the first real launch... We got the weight stuck in the clay like sand. I sent Jack in! Jack had to wade up to his thighs to go pull our brand new rig out.

We also had trouble with the tide. Mainly that it was going out! So in five minuets of casting the line was in the wash!

Eventually we gave up and had a beer in the car!

We then drove over to do a pub quiz with our Judo team. We did pretty well finishing fourth out of 25. A lady on our team won the raffle and gave Jack and I her prize of a helicopter tour around mount Arthur!

Billy and Babette come to visit!

On Friday after doing a nice trail run from cable bay I came home and waited for the arrival of Billy and Babette. I met the two of them when I was working in Melbourne as a travel agent.

We had a catch up and a couple of beers that evening when I got home from work and watched a movie.

On Saturday they came to watch the rugby match I was physio-ing, we won very comfortably 67 - 7 so they called the game five minuets from time.

After the game we watched the speeches and grabbed some post match food before making our way to the Wakatu for the England game.

I was the worst supporter ever. During the first half when England were smashing it I had all the chat. I even did a lap at half time to rub it in to all the locals. Smug doesn't even cover it!

Then the second half happened... We were the far inferior side. And of course, with each try the all blacks scored, I got a tirade of chat back. Lots of un heartfelt consolations.

After the game we had a few more beers at the Wakatu before moseying over to the sprig and fern for the live band playing. We stopped off at the offie and chined a can of 'big billy maverick' each. It was terrible.

The band were a bit wierd, well their set list was. They had everyone up dancing and then decided to play a nirvana song... Perplexing. But what can you expect from what was clearly a school band.

Later that evening we went to the little rock. The local night club. It was really fun. In under five minuets I'd pissed off a couger.

I went up on the stage for a boogie and this older blond woman came over to me within 5 minuets. Lady: "Let me see your stomach!?"

Me: "Why?"

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

"Well this sounds like an illaberate plan for you to get your stomach out and show off, doesn't it?"

"GET YOUR STOMACH OUT,"

"Ok calm down sweet cheeks."

"I'll just get mine out!"

She lifts up her shirt

"WOW, I've never seen a belly button like that before! It looks like an outie wearing a bowler hat!"

"Shut up, don't be mean. It went like that after I had my son, he's four. Your an arse hole."

"Well this is what happens when you get your belly out and thrust it at strangers. People get hurt. Also is that body glitter? Why have you got body glitter on your tummy? I think you do this a lot..."

Lady: "I like you I'm buying you lots of drinks,"

"I'm good ta, I'm pretty pissed at the moment. We just had shots." 

"Excellent, I'm going to get you more drunk then take you home!"

She whips out her debit card.

"Errr, I'm all good cheers,"

What the f**k do you mean your all good! I'm buying you drinks and I am taking you home!"

She tackles me off the stage

"Babette!"

I jump into Babette and we go hide in the crowd till the scary lady goes away.

I think I handled the mater maturely.

We danced a bit more and met some other cool people before getting a cab back with a 1920s style pilot complete with leather flying cap and huge beard!

The next day I wanted to die!

We went down to tahunanui beach and played some frisbee before going home again and veging out.

Billy and Babette left on Monday morning.

Getting back to reality

So living in a luxury lodge in one of the most beautiful places in the world is hardly the 'rat race' but the last two weeks have been fairly un eventful.

I've been working a lot at the sports injuries practice, which is a really fun place to work as I see a good variety of injuries and people.

I invited all my colleagues around for a hot tub party. We had a big BBQ before soaking in the warm massaging waters, under the star strewn sky.

I've also joined a judo club so I can be twice weekly beaten up by teenage girls. I'm not very good but I really enjoy it.

Last weekend after the Nelson game we all went back to the Wakatu pub to watch the England Game. It was a really tight game with England the better team, so I was doleong out the chat. Winding everyone up in a room full of Kiwi's. Only for us to concede a try in the dying moments. Will I ever hear the end of it?!

I then met up with a couple of the guys from work and went out on the piss. It was really good fun doing flaming sambuca shots and all sorts!

Terror!

This morning I met up with Sara from work and her boyfriend Mike.

They took me mountain biking on Richmond hill... I didn't know I had so many muscles on my face that could express terror!

The views were epic but I was just desperate not to kill myself on the verticle drops and cliff faces!

After the fun was over we had a beer in a nice brewery garden and a chat.

We finished just in time for me to go over to the stadium to watch the annual Nelson V Marlborough rugby match which was really good. I sat with all the lads from my team and we had a good time.

I wound up the day by plucking a duck with Heather. One had been shot at the farm the previous day when we were playing with the guns and we needed to prep it for dinner.

So many activities!

Today Jack, Mel (a visiting friend of jacks) and Heather (a temporary farm hand) went up to the Farm owned by the husband of my boss.

Man what a good time! I wish I was a farmer all the time.

We started off driving a dirt bike around the farm throwing big lumps of hay at cows. We took a little spill as Jack took a corner too fast but it was great fun. We then met the girls who had taken the dune buggy out for a bit of a spin as we needed to get to the next farm over.

The terrain was a bit much for us, and as Jack tried to tackle a verticle descent down to a boggy river bed we tumbled again. The girls did their best but the slope was too steep for the buggy and Mel had to get out to save the day!

Before long we had got to the next farm where the old couple who lived there had agreed to take us out horse riding!

My horse was called Mertz, short for Andrew Mhertens the ex All black and Harlequins fly half. apparently Mertz was a bit of a bad boy and they didn't like amatures taking him out as he had been quite a good race horse and sometimes got aggressive with other horses as he hates being overtaken.

I found that horse riding is no where near as easy as I thought it would be! Mertz did exactly whatever he wanted the entire time regardless of what I said or did! Except that is the time I told him to jog on... At this point he started sprinting up the hill! I nearly fell off! I was terrified!

When Mertz fancied it we had a lovley walk along the ridge with breathtaking views all around in the warm sunshine.

Heathers horse was rather taken with Mertz and would get very angry if it's nose was ever more than 5cm from his bum! Sometimes she got a bit too close and Mertz would give a massive shudder, I would hold on for dear life!

On the way back down was when things got really interesting.

Mertz decided to do a 90 degree handbrake turn, which obviously I styled out like a pro... When the instructor lady came to tell him off she went to over take him. He swivled fast and kicked her as hard as he could! Luckily she had got her horse to move so she didn't get hit in the leg but it really was a bone shattering thud into the chest of her smaller horse. Easily enough to kill a man if hit in the chest.

Mertz knew he had been bad so after a bit of darting around he started trotting back nicely to the barn (without saying that obviously heathers horse came too!). Leaving the others in the frey.

After an eventful and very fun trek we said good bye to our horses and headed back to the farm.

Whilst we were on the ridge we had noticed some people setting up a tent on our land. We couldn't resist going over for a few Dorset farmer imitations of "Ger off my land!". When we got there we found out it was the electrician who works on the farms fences from time to time. He had come up for a bit of duck shooting. 

He let us all have a go with his sniper rifle. I hit a shotgun shell from 30 foot with my first shot! Sniper school here I come!

After the shooting I hopped in the dune buggy with Heather. How much fun is a dune buggy! I was razzing it round like a mad man! I beat the farms top speed record with 38kmph, which feels bloody fast on an uneven paddock!

What a great day! We rounded it off with a beer and some wedges at the sleights ale house.

Basil Fawlty's dental practice

What a lovley peice of duck, Crack! 

I didn't really need that tooth anyway.

I quite literally bit the bullet.

We had been eating a duck which had been shot on Alan's farm. With my very first mouth full I bit down on the tender fleshy meat and cracked my back mouler in two on the bullet that killed the duck.

I needed it sorted so I phoned the emergency dentist at 3pm after work on Tuesday. Apparently they had a cancelation so if I could get there now I could be seen right away.

At the end of bridge street I found a small a4 paper with 'Dentist' written on it in a plastic sleeve. With an arrow pointing up an overgrown path between two houses. 

I followed it up.

At the top of the path was a big old house, I colonial style building, dated pleasantly, but not where I was expecting a dentist to be. I entered through the heavy doors. I found myself in a deserted hallway. A small unmanned reception desk at the base of a set of stairs. I stopped here a while before noticing another -this time printed- sign for "am dentist" pointing along the corridor and then another up some stairs. Sufficiently lost in the dated empty building I stumbled into a dentist surgery come waiting room. There was no wall to separate the two so as I filled in my forms and waited for the dentist I could observe the retro dentists surgery.

I was soon beckoned through by the dentist who had a thick accent, maybe Indonesian. She did not have full command of the English language but we got by.

I had her tools in my mouth and an X-ray done before you could say smile. I'd only come to book an appointment!

Rather than discuss the problem she pulled out a huge needle. One with the old fashioned sisor handles you see in the carry on movies. At this point entered the dental nurse. A young South American girl who knew no more than ten words in English. The needle was popped down on my chest while they had a chat.

The needle was picked up and my mouth opened when we had another visitor. Who orders chinease food to a dental surgery... Apparently my dentist. So as the chinease delivery person stood in the corner of the surgery I had a series of anaesthetic injections. As soon as the last one was in the dentist popped up and sorted out her dinner.

The dentist then asked me what type of filling I wanted, silver or white? I don't know I said, whatever you think. But no I had to give an answer so 50/50 I said white. She sucked in through her teeth and said white was nowhere near as good and not really functional for a back mouler. WHY ASK!

Even though it was apparently the wrong choice she continued with it anyway.

Also hilarious was the fact that every time the dentist spoke to me the nurse with questionable English thought she was talking to her and kept trying to answer the questions, this pissed off the dentist. Just like manuel pisses off basil.

The dentist asked the nurse to mix up the white filling mix. On inspection the dentist said that she hadn't made it right and it was too runny. 

For some reason the dentist didn't think I'd heard this and told me that she really didn't think the white option was the way to go. With a mouth full of tampons at this point I was up for anything!

She started drilling MOTHER FRIGGERS THAT HURTS!

Two more doses from the giant needles and third time was the charm. I could still feel a little bit but I decided to just man up. In the end the dentist told me that she was going to use a mercury filling. The dental nurse said that it was ok and got told off again.

Eventually after an hour and a half we were all done I had had a filling.

I met up with Jack who was expecting to go to Judo. With my face still drooping like deputy dawg I decided it wasn't a good idea for me.

Instead we climbed up to the centre of New Zealand for a fantastic view of the city and bay at night  before going I to town for a beer and a few games of pool.

A brush with the law

After work today I had to pick up my new bike I had won in an online auction. To do this I needed to run 8km collect the bike and cycle a further 2km before tackling the monster hill leading to the house.

Easy plan, or so I thought.

It was a crisp evening so I had on a short sleeved jersey, leggings (which were really cheap so don't fit properly, they're pretty much 3/4 lengths and some Hawaiian shorts). I looked a little silly, but hey, I know like five people and it's dark. No one will see me. I go about 50m before I am stopped and heckled by a group of lads from the rugby. Liam, a southafrican guy couldn't believe I was running in such cold weather. He was still struggling having just moved from Africa to get used to these cold nights.

I took my ribbing and pushed through.

I made the 8km easily enough and picked up my new bike, an avanti atomic. I must have gone about 200m before I passed a parked police car. Bells and whistles went on and the car started to drive towards me. I stopped like a good law abiding citizen to see who they were going for. They got closer, stopped and opened their doors. Bollocks. They were coming for me! I had no lights and no helmet on, $100 fine for each.

Screw that I thought jumped back on the bike and screamed off along the bike track in the nearby park. I slammed into the closest bush I could find, bike on the floor I squatted down low. 

After five minuets or so they were gone. I was left to saddle up again and make my way leasurely home!

First week - getting stuck in

My first week of work was good. I co treated a lot of patients with Candace and met a few of the guys from the rugby club I would be working with. 

The clinic is really nice. It has a nice big gym area and a very high end feel. The focus seems to be exactly the focus I have always wanted to work in. Although they do get a lot of acute injuries the focus seems to be on being the link between physio and gym/sports coach. Getting people back to high end sporting performance.

On Wednesday I went for some work drinks in town which was nice and on Saturday I had my first away bus trip. Unfortunatly the Nelson team lost in the dying minuets. But on the ride home there was a sufficient lack of rugby songs so I stood up and cracked one out to excellent effect.

After a few beers the night died off and I went home to the palace.

Landing on my feet

The morning after I arrived in Nelson I got my glad rags on and drove down to the 18,000 seater stadium to physio for the Nelson Marist team.

Soo much strapping!

Two hours of solid taping later I was pitch side in my bum bag following the game. The stands were mainly empty but it was still really cool working at such a nice venue. Candace my future boss came and joined me just before kick off.

After the game Candace and I were joined by Alan, her farming husband and Austin, a very vocal and self assured American guy who was working on the farm with Alan for a while. We had a really nice evening. After a beer at the clubhouse we went back to Alan and Candace's place for some burgers and a few more beers. 

And what a house it is!

A hilltop mansion would be the best way to describe where I am now living. Underfloor heating, ensuite bathrooms and king size beds are the boring bits! 

The huge barn style interior gives way to amazing panoramic views of the bay and distant snow capped mountains across the mirror like blue water.

So I'm pretty happy with where I am.

On the Sunday I went out with Candace to a beautiful waterfront coffee shop and had a chat while enjoying the warm sunshine on this clear peaceful autumn morn. Once we had had our fill of coffee and chocolate brownie we did a bit of shopping and I met up with her husband Alan, Jack (the English guy who will be looking after the farm when Alan and Candace are away), and Austin (a larger than life stereotypical American. Who despite always being right and knowing everything, was quite nice). I borrowed one of their bikes and we went on a huge 4 hour bike ride to the copper mine saddle. We went along ledges with yet more incredible sweeping views. Up and down some very scary troughs and up on the top of the Grampian mountain range. 

The most increadible thing was how peaceful it was up in the mountains. No fog or cload, no whipping wind, just calm serenity.

We finished our ride in the dark as the sun went down on a very good day. With the best eye site in the group I had to lead the way shouting out for obsticles I encountered.

Fare well to a great friend

We finally rolled into Christchurch after our mountain ordeal.

That evening, our last night together Joe and I went to the pub. It was a really good laugh.

We then said our farewells the next morning after getting lost in the Christchurch stupid one way system as we tried to buy some new trainers from rebel sports.

Joe has fast become my best friend and I will miss him a lot. We have had so much fun over the last two months and I really hope Australia goes well for him and maybe we can rent a place when we get back to Brighton.

After a long drive and another bloody speeding ticket I got to Nelson, my base for the next... However long...