The first hiccup

I am soaked to the bone, my feet are dirty and covered in blood, driving licence covered in mud, my wallet is ruined and my phone isn't working.

An eventful first day in Paris. How did this happen?

I went for an excellent walking tour of Paris this morning, followed by lunch at a small French cafe with some of the other tourists. We then went to ste Chapple, an old chapel which has a structure of 80% stained glass. Very impressive.

After this is when the day got interesting...

As we were strolling through Jardin des Tuileries next to du Louvre heading towards a small museum that apparently had a big painting of some lilly's. the heavens opened, one of the heaviest downpours I have ever been in.

Being the athletic chap I am I decided to leave the group who were hiding under a tree from the rain to run to said museum and meet them there.

The problem with running in the rain, is avoiding puddles. As I was taking big leaps I could not slow down enough when I approached the mother of all puddles. I went straight in... The parks paths were also made of grit which worked its way into my flip flops and started cutting shreds out of my feet -hence the blood -. This stride, vicar of dibbley style into a puddle managed to get me a huge cheer from the onlookers in the trees sheltering from the rain.

I continued.

Eventually I got to the museum, there was a lot of confusion with the lady at the gate who said I had to find 'clementine' If I were to go in as she had just put me on the list (I didn't know why you need a list for a museum, maybe a fire precaution). 

Anyway, I got through the gate only to find that I had stumbled into an exclusive garden show that seemed to be run by a champagne company! So I did what any of us would have done in that situation...    I hid in a shed, a shed that was apparently being used to cut copious amounts of cheese.

I sheltered a while then took my chances on finding my new friends. Escaped the posh garden show and found my guys and girls.

We decided then to split up as some of them wanted to go back and change into warm clothes, I went with a young lady called Sarah to the impressionist art gallery d'orsay.

This is where I realised I had lost my driving licence! It must have fallen out of my pocket at or after the garden show, probably while I was trying to text Toby Meek about the ridiculous situation I was in.

So I then had to walk slowly back to the show. On my own. In the thumping rain. 

A kind hearted French car driver took his opportunity while I was in this terrible state, and splashed me with the biggest, dirtiest, grimmest puddle on the road. The wave went over my head and completely covered me!

I blagged my way back into the garden show, this time having to grovel with the security guards who did not want to let a drowning rat into their party of cravat-ed Houghty toity. I got in and found my licence in a big ol mud puddle. Then wet and cold thinking nothing could get worse I found a tube station. 

I stayed In the Paris underground system for two hours... Apparently it helps if you know 

1. Where you are

2. Where you are going

I did not think to find these out until I had my ticket and was on a platform.

Eventually after shedding my rubbing flip flops I walked my bloodied feet through the streets of Paris and got back to the hostel.

Why can't I just have a nice, normal holiday

Friends and Foe

So an eventful trip and first night in Paris!

I had a lovely meal with Mum, Dad, Hana and Makoto before leaving for the Eurostar.

I tried to approach France with an un-biased opinion but the French, they are not helping themselves!

I got my ticket, hopped on the train and settled myself down for a pleasant journey. The couple opposite me on my table seat seemed nice enough at first if a little French, I was willing to not hold that against them.

After about ten minuets the lady opposite me decided she did not want the adverts or supplement in her magazine so she dropped them on the floor. Then like the generous person she clearly was decided to kick them all over to my side of the table and stretch her legs out. In the good mood I was in I did not see this as a problem, I just picked up all the guff and tucked my legs under my chair.

I was quite happy reading my book, until I stood up to get something out of my bag.

I looked down and she had spread her legs out so far I couldn't even sit down and would not move them so I was sitting side saddle. This was getting silly. So I took back my space by knocking her legs gently, regaining my territory. She then stretched out again, pushing into my leg and resting her other foot on mine...

A quick kick from me and a yelp from her and justice was resumed.

On a lighter note I met loads of great people in the hostel from all over the world and got to hear all about what it was like as a local in Singapore.

Sevens!

What a weekend... 

Due to severe memory loss -possibly alcohol induced- I was undecided about publishing a post on twickenham shenanigans, but hey I'll give it a punt!

Saturday

The weekend started in normal fashion for me, stupidly. 

I had planned our movements down to a tee, who would meet where, what trains to get, walking times, etc...

So when I arrived at Hove station to collect my train tickets and couldn't get them out of the machine I was worried. I then tried to discuss the matter with the ticket kiosk lady, my luck did not improve. Clearly she had been trained by the ever popular 'computer says no...' Training academy. I could see she was spelling my name wrong - 3 times with a k - I missed my train so had to cut my losses and phone my mum to drive me to Brighton station. Here,  I had more of the same problem, my reference number did not work! 

My mum then, after all of that stress and running around, that maybe we should go home and get the tickets that were dated for today that arrived in the post weeks ago.... Cheers mum.

Anywho, my mum then collected the tickets and kindly drove me to Gatwick station where I finally got a train, I changed at east Croydon, missed yet another train that I chased down the platform.

I finally got to London a solid hour or so late, apologies to Ben who had been sat on his own in a pub the whole time dressed as a Monkey and further more to Sam Hodgson who had to wait nearly two hours on his own dressed as a zebra by a burger van, a risky game to play with the horse meat scandal going on.

I made myself even more popular than ever on the train to Sam and Twickenham as I dropped beer on a girl on the train who was clearly just trying to get from a to b.

A great day was had by all, I even managed to have a catch up with my old Hove RFC mates and coaches, Sam and Mike Philips and the man the legend George Martin. 

Toby, Sam S, Sam H, Ollie, Ben, Cian, Lewis and myself spent the day telling everyone to go to infernos in Clapham... Which backfired as it became so busy we couldn't get in ourselves! 

The night progressed and thanks to bar man Cian's generous vodka measures my final memories of the night involve getting up on a table and 'dropping it like its hot'.

Sunday

Sunday started as Saturday had passed out, with vodka for breakfast. This was due to my own imposed ruling of '1 before 9 or 9 before 1'.

Again we ran late as we met Emma for a birthday breakfast, and this time it was poor Dom who was left as a Monkey by the burger van for a good two hours.

We had another great day joined by Jack and Dom as Ollie and Sam H departed.

A personal highlight involved Toby and I trying to talk to talk to our old Fijian mate William the Fiji Physio who gave us the smile and a wave, which in international sign I assume means: "fuck off and leave me alone I'm working you piss-head englishmen."

After the day of top class rugby I tried -being the main word- to wow the train with my jokes. All of which are to long to be written down and obviously wouldn't work as well without my fantastic comic timing. But trust me they were great and nobody groaned or begged me to stop constantly.

Cian Sam S and I then had a few more beers at a pub before heading home. Where I got lost trying to find a toilet, got on the wrong train and went to purley then selhurst leaving Sam alone to be stabbed by a stranger with a pen. 

After finally getting home to wake my entire family up running and shouting, I slept.

Excellent weekend and a fantastic farewell to all involved.

Farewell Norwich

08/05/13

As I sit in my room, surrounded by boxes and bags ready for my departure, I realise how much I am going to miss Norwich and all of my friends here.

I also realise how many bloody postcards I have promised to send people!

I have had a great time over my last three years working in Norwich and the last few weeks have been excellent too.

I was so happy to see so many people at the Moose on Friday (even if Jay O'Brien did get a strop on) for my leaving drinks.

Playing sevens at the weekend for Norwich at North Walsham was great and for a reason unknown to me have the entire grandstand chanting my name and demanding so many waves I lose count was interesting! Even though anyone who has seen me play will know I am distinctly average, but I fully welcomed the support. Then on to a night in with Jay, Matt, Carly and Georgie. Which led to the least competitive game of charades ever!

I really appreciated the voice mail from Jonny Coltman wishing me all the best, what a hero, one of the best guys I know. Even though it was two days early, I think he may be trying to get rid of me!

Then going to see Harry Bird and the Rubber Wellie's last night, they did not disappoint! We all had to help out on a chorus about pirates, as you do.

And now a final farewell at Touch Rugby tonight.

And most of all what am I going to do without my awesome housemates Ben, Sarah, Sarah and Naomi!

Sad times, but happy memories.

Welcome!

Welcome to the ramblings of a mad man.

In an attempt to procrastinate from packing up my worldly belongings and put them in bin bags (as I am too cheap to buy boxes) I have set up my first blog. 

I will be intending to post in this blog as a diary of my travels around Europe, Morocco, China, South East Asia, Australia and New Zealand. I will try to keep it short, light and hopefully entertaining, however, apologies if the inevitable happens and this simply becomes a chronicling of all the stupid things I do and  unnecessarily awkward situations I get into because 'at the time it seemed like a good idea'.